The Gift of His Presence

A year ago today I turned 35 years old, and a year ago today I would begin sharing the last month my father would have left of his life.  Little did I know the hen scratched words "I love you" on my birthday card would be the last one I shared with him.  It has taken one long year for me to digest the idea that I will not open the door to his office and find him typing out his Sunday school lesson or studying his Bible. As I begin this blog about these lessons I learned during mundane, everyday conversations with my dad, my first begins a very long time ago and comes full circle.

My dad, above all else, loved the Lord.  He was an ordained minister, raised in church, but truly began following Christ in his late 20's.  There is a back story to all of this that I will share, but today, suffice to say it was a long path there.  Sharing God's love with us, his four girls, occupied many conversations including the one I am sharing with you now.

I must have been four years old the first time I remember crawling up into my dad's lap and having this talk with him.  He would ask me if I knew who Jesus was and that he died for my sins.  He would ask me if I was ready to ask Him to live in my heart and I remember being very confused about what that meant and a little uncomfortable with the idea.  I would realize later that this was probably the still, small voice of my Saviour ushering me towards Him.  What I did not realize until much later was that by that simple act, my dad was showing me one of the deepest forms of love a parent can share with a child.  His concern was not for what new toy I wanted or what game I wanted to play in that moment, it was to provide a way for me to eternally have a father to whom I could always go.

My dad carried this tradition on with my daughter, who I am proud to say will see her Papa again someday.  However, my little guy, being a toddler when my dad left this world, did not get as many of these little talks with my dad.  One of the things that brought me great sadness was that my son would not get to know what a great man of God he was and how deeply he loved each of his grandchildren.  Little did I know how wrong I was.

When dad passed, I truly felt that my son would not even remember my dad, much less remember the man that he was.  I remember how my eyes welled with tears the first time he picked up a book my dad had written on salvation and carried it around calling it "Papa's book".  In a very simple conversation this Christmas season, my three year old son relayed seeing Papa in the sky, Papa telling him he could not come down here and telling me Papa had to fly away.  In yet another instance, I had downloaded a Bible story app for my daughter to use and instead my son has picked it up, answers the questions it asks correctly every time and thinks nothing of sharing it with other children.  It wasn't until a few of these things had happened that my mom shared something with me about my dad.  See, each time my son would go to their home, no matter how old he was, my dad picked him up in his lap, shared conversations with him and my mom would even hear him singing sweet hymns in my son's ear.

I have no doubt that my dad is sitting up in Heaven with both his earthly father and his Heavenly Father smiling proudly at how those small moments shared have carried on in my son's memory.  I have no doubt that God showed my dad that his time was coming to an end and gave provision to share with my son all the things I have loved about my dad.  And I guess that is the lesson I want to share, God gives provision for all your needs.  It may be that he prepared other people to fall in your path, for you to be late and avoid a catastrophe or just simply to allow your son to be innocent enough to see through the thin veil between here and Heaven to have conversations with his Papa.  My prayer today for all who venture onto my page is that you are given provision.  Whether it be compassion, strength, wisdom, or joy, I pray God meets you there and makes His presence known, that He pulls you into his lap and sings sweet words in your ear.  This gift of His presence is the best present anyone can receive.