Troubled Waters

The times in which we live are turbulent.  It seems like every day we hear of another mass shooting, anger brews between religions and races and things in our personal lives crumble.  Amidst all of this turmoil, I have heard and seen many people discussing "why does God allow this to happen"?

I know that as I watched my father's health slowly crumble, as I watched the strongest man I knew lose the battle of his life, I questioned, "Why, God?"  Why did my dad, a pillar of your precedents, have to endure such pain?  I have asked myself that question for three years now, and I think I finally got my answer in a most unusual way.  Let it be said that as soon as my fingers start to type a post, I feel my dad's spirit and can almost hear him whisper to God to show me the way.  I hope these small journeys to increasing my faith in God help open your eyes to his mercy and grace.

It all started with a song.

While preparing for an impromptu trip to my dad's hometown, our YouTube mix started a song whose lyrics referenced Peter's faith tested as he walked on roaring waves to Jesus.  You may not remember this story as much as the parable of the loaves and fishes in the same chapter.  However, after the miracle of the loaves and fishes, Christ went on a mountain to pray and sent his disciples to a ship across the sea.  A storm ensued, and Jesus walked above the waves to the boat.  The disciples were afraid and thought Jesus was a ghost.  Christ assured them saying, "It is I, be not afraid," but in Peter's distrust he asked that Jesus allow him to walk on the water.  Peter, in his fear, lost sight of Jesus and began to sink, at which time Christ saved him from the waves and calmed the storm.

Oh, we of little faith!  Our lives are filled with troubled waters, these are not created by God!  God clearly states in Ephesians 6:12, "For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places."  Christ did not create that storm to test Peter's faith, I believe that storm was created by a darkness of the world and Christ used it as a lesson.

How many of us suffer through loss, failed marriage, financial difficulties, poor health, addiction, worry?  How many of us feel helpless to the growing unrest in our country, that the next mass shooting might be in our hometown, things that make us fearful of other people and other religions? God, in his omnipotence, did not decide that our lives were going too smoothly and decided to throw us despair, to punish our sins. These are troubled waters created by principalities, rulers of the darkness of the world.  Our failure is in recognizing from where they come.  Christ did not send Peter into the ocean amidst roaring waves to his death, he asked Peter to keep his eyes on Christ, to look above the churning waters, and walk safely to his side.  How many times do we let our grief, anger, disillusionment, fear become the troubled waters standing between us and what wonderful things Christ has in store for us?  I am a Peter, I often find myself staring at the ocean and forgetting to look above the waves.  I am guilty of sinking and requiring quick rescue by God's grace.  Can God calm the waters before we ever start that walk, yes, but then to whom would we need to rely on and have faith?

I am reminded of a hymn I remember my dad singing in a deep, sometimes off key voice, a song penned by Horatio Spafford in 1873.  Spafford had lost everything financially in 1871 during the Great Chicago Fire.  A successful attorney, his finances continued on a downturn as a financial crisis hit in 1873, at which time he decided to travel to Europe with his wife and four daughters.  In a moments decision to stay behind to take care of financial business, his wife and daughters boarded the ship.  He would receive a telegram from his wife that read "saved alone..." after their ship sank in the Atlantic and his four daughters were lost.  On his way to comfort his wife, he penned the lyrics to the hymn "It Is Well With My Soul".

When peace like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to know,^a
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Refrain:
It is well, (it is well),
With my soul, (with my soul)
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
If Jordan above me shall roll,
No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life,
Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.

But Lord, 'tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
Oh, trump of the angel! Oh, voice of the Lord!
Blessed hope, blessed rest of my soul.

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
A song in the night, oh my soul! ^b

^a "know" (at the end of the third line) was changed to "say".
^b "A song in the night, oh my soul" (last line)
was changed to "Even so, it is well with my soul

Spafford would have three more children, lose one to Scarlet Fever and have his church wrongly attribute his misfortune to divine punishment.  He and his wife would then move to Jerusalem and form a group called the American Colony that became trusted by Christians, Jews and Muslims.

May we all be able to look above the troubled waters.  As Spafford so eloquently put, "The Sky, not the grave, is our goal."  No matter the heartache and despair we feel in this life we struggle to cling to, our goal is to keep our eyes on Christ, to keep our eyes on the sky and realize this world is not our goal.  I have felt loss, despair, heartache.  I have shaken my fist at God and asked him to free me through death.  I have stood at the helm of my life, looked upon the storm casting my ship through wave after wave and thrown my anger at God.  In response, in all His grace and glory, He continues to hold his hand out to me and remind me to keep my eyes on Him and look above the waves.  May someday I have the faith of Peter, to walk wholly and completely into the arms of my Saviour and find peace.  Until then, I will continue to ask for God's grace for all of us, that He reminds us of His love when our lives seem hopeless.  May we remember to look for Him in all things like a ship's captain looks for a lighthouse and be drawn to safety by His light.  May the light He has placed in your heart be the lighthouse for someone else's ship lost at sea.  Thanks, dad and my heavenly father, for another nudge in the right direction.  Shine bright, little light!  

Shine On!

I did not shed a tear today.  Not one little bitter stream of water trailed down my rosy cheek.  I did not huddle under the covers and wish this day would end.  

Something no one tells you about grief is that life goes on. As you bury a loved one there was still traffic on the highway, people still went to work, children played on the playground, babies were born and families gathered around a table for dinner. This is a significant part of grief, because when you lose someone dear to you, it leaves a gaping part of your world unfilled.  The things that person did, the simplest of things, become profoundly voided in your life and I think that is why you feel like the world should halt, if not just for a moment, to make significant the life you saw as so important.  

Today would be my daddy's 79th birthday.  We would celebrate this day with family gathering together, we would have his favorite cake, we would talk and laugh and nothing significant and everything significant would happen all in the same breath. My dad was not a Nobel Peace Prize winner, a great inventor, a profound leader or a star of the silver screen.  No flags will be raised to half mast, no twenty one gun salutes will be sounded, no parades made in his honor.  However, I still face, each year, a cataclysmic sized gap in my world that otherwise keeps spinning.  Apple cake and my dad's silly jokes, talking about random places and searching maps for long lost treasures from trips past would mean nothing to anyone other than me, but those tiny tidbits are what shape the memories that signify a loss to those of us left behind.  

My dad was a bright light to the world around him.  He loved God and made no excuses as to why. He prayed for anyone he felt needed it and read the Bible like some of us read the New York Times Best Seller list.  He quoted Scripture with chapter and verse, stood firm on the use of the King James Version.  He loved my mom like no other, he brought her back to God and was a spiritual leader of our family.  I have more memories, big and small, that could fill this blogpost every day for years. But, the significance of this one is today he is missed, every day he is missed.  This year, to mark this day, I created an art piece that I am working on having printed on t-shirts.  My dad loved 'This Little Light of Mine' and in honor of him I am reminding all those around me to shine your light bright for all those around you.  

Matthew 5:16King James Version (KJV)16 Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.