Today, my intention was to memorialize my father, to share another memory of him, to open another part of his life to my readers. One might say this "went off the rails" as I began to write. Today, my heart tells me I must share memories of another father dear to my heart.
Almost 17 years ago, I walked into a local restaurant with my best friend to be greeted by a familiar face, one I must admit I admired when I was in high school. I had no idea how life changing that meal would become, because on that day I met the love of my life. To think that only two weeks prior to that meal, I had a deep conversation with God declaring I was done with relationships until God put the right person in my path. Sometimes it takes us giving up on something to allow God to open our eyes to what we really need.
I have shared before that I experienced a very abusive relationship during my high school years, and though I will never expand on it over such an open network, an allusion to it is necessary. To put it simply, I was broken, broken beyond repair if you would have asked me directly. I met Jeff merely two months after I had very seriously considered taking my own life. I didn't think I had anything left to give to another person, I was irreparable. Isn't it in these moments that we see God's light most clearly? I say this because after our first date, July 10, I had another conversation with God. I needed a sign, something to tell me where this was headed. Two weeks later I got my answer, a heartfelt conversation led to the admission that marriage was our future together. As evidenced by my previous statements, this was not on my radar.
That day, seventeen years ago, God gave me one of my most precious gifts. He gave me a strong man, a man that would stand up for me. When many others failed to be there for me, he held me when I cried and was ready to defend me at any cost. Jeff is a valiant protector of both myself and our children. He is patient beyond measure, especially to a wife who is not know for the same virtue. Where I am hot headed and quick to anger, he is my balance. Our life together has not come without it's disappointments, but there have been very few that we have not faced and been able to overcome together.
There are four significant moments in our married life that stand out to me. First, that day on a beach in Coronado when he vowed to love me forever with deep sincerity in his eyes. I will never feel as cherished as I did in that moment. Secondly, was upon the birth of our daughter. Watching him standing there, holding her tiny body so gently spoke to my soul. Thirdly, when our son was born, the look of pride on his face. The way his face lit up with each birth and still does when he spends time with the kids is priceless. Lastly, and most important to me, the way he held me in his arms the day my daddy passed away and held in his own tears so that he could comfort me speaks of what a wonderful man I celebrate.
Thankfully, my dad was able to develop a deep relationship with Jeff. There were many times throughout our dating relationship that Jeff sat with my dad just carrying on conversation. I hold on to those memories dearly, because Jeff had the chance to learn from my dad. We joke that dad's first words of wisdom to Jeff were "never forget your anniversary." However, he taught us so much more. He taught me how to love my husband, and taught my husband how to love me. He showed us through how he loved my mother and how he loved others. Many memories of my father bring tears to my eyes, but there are two pictures my mother has that make me weep. The first is of my daughter as a tiny little girl, the picture taken from the back, with her little hand in my father's large one just taking a walk. The last is a close up of my son being held by his papa, dad's eyes gleaming with happiness and a smile on my little one's face. Both do not show my dad's physical strength, but the strength in which his love for his family shone through his eyes.
There are many similarities I see in my husband that I also saw in my father. So, today, I could reminisce about my dad, but I choose to celebrate the life of another man I love.
Thank you, love, for having the strength to love a broken girl. You showed me in my worst hours what true love meant. Your sincerity, your loyalty, your humor and the laughter we share together are some of my most treasured possessions. The gentle but fierce love you have for our children shows what a wonderful man you truly are. You are home to me. You have been my rock when I needed something to lean on, when I thought the world would cave under me. You give our children a strong foundation to build their lives on, a character to model themselves after. I am proud to call you my husband and your children are proud to call you "Dad." Your light shines to all who know you. Dad was so proud of you, he reminded me frequently what a good man you are. Thank you for loving my dad as much as I do. Thank you for all the times you sacrificed so I could spend more time with him. I will forever be grateful for those sacrifices you made to give me those moments with him, and for wrapping me up in your arms when some of those times were tough to handle. You will forever be my love, infinity times infinity.
There are four significant moments in our married life that stand out to me. First, that day on a beach in Coronado when he vowed to love me forever with deep sincerity in his eyes. I will never feel as cherished as I did in that moment. Secondly, was upon the birth of our daughter. Watching him standing there, holding her tiny body so gently spoke to my soul. Thirdly, when our son was born, the look of pride on his face. The way his face lit up with each birth and still does when he spends time with the kids is priceless. Lastly, and most important to me, the way he held me in his arms the day my daddy passed away and held in his own tears so that he could comfort me speaks of what a wonderful man I celebrate.
Thankfully, my dad was able to develop a deep relationship with Jeff. There were many times throughout our dating relationship that Jeff sat with my dad just carrying on conversation. I hold on to those memories dearly, because Jeff had the chance to learn from my dad. We joke that dad's first words of wisdom to Jeff were "never forget your anniversary." However, he taught us so much more. He taught me how to love my husband, and taught my husband how to love me. He showed us through how he loved my mother and how he loved others. Many memories of my father bring tears to my eyes, but there are two pictures my mother has that make me weep. The first is of my daughter as a tiny little girl, the picture taken from the back, with her little hand in my father's large one just taking a walk. The last is a close up of my son being held by his papa, dad's eyes gleaming with happiness and a smile on my little one's face. Both do not show my dad's physical strength, but the strength in which his love for his family shone through his eyes.
There are many similarities I see in my husband that I also saw in my father. So, today, I could reminisce about my dad, but I choose to celebrate the life of another man I love.
Thank you, love, for having the strength to love a broken girl. You showed me in my worst hours what true love meant. Your sincerity, your loyalty, your humor and the laughter we share together are some of my most treasured possessions. The gentle but fierce love you have for our children shows what a wonderful man you truly are. You are home to me. You have been my rock when I needed something to lean on, when I thought the world would cave under me. You give our children a strong foundation to build their lives on, a character to model themselves after. I am proud to call you my husband and your children are proud to call you "Dad." Your light shines to all who know you. Dad was so proud of you, he reminded me frequently what a good man you are. Thank you for loving my dad as much as I do. Thank you for all the times you sacrificed so I could spend more time with him. I will forever be grateful for those sacrifices you made to give me those moments with him, and for wrapping me up in your arms when some of those times were tough to handle. You will forever be my love, infinity times infinity.
